i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
