We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
