if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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