hell yes lets make some ravioli
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
