I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
