If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
