I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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