Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I supernannyed him into submission
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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