You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
there is glitter all over my balls
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
