First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sarcasm needs its own font
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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