A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
