can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
