I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
