The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
