Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
