I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
