Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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