So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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