Plan B is the new Plan A
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
