brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
