ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
