your room smells of hookers.
And success
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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