you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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