Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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