dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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