I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
