I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
