You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
