What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
