You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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