I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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