Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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