I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
