I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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