There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
