jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
