I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
