R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
