Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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