she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
