Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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