yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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