drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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