i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
