i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
