One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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