pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
