Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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