i think my mom watched the whole time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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