I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
