You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
