Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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